


Betrayal

by Twyd



Category: Durarara!!
Genre: Anxiety, Bad Parenting, Betrayal, Dubious Consent, Eating Disorders, Exams, Family, Friendship, Growing Up, High School, Implied/Referenced Sexual Assault, Implied/Referenced Underage Sex, Isolation, Loneliness, M/M, Organized Crime, Poor Life Choices, Slash, Teen Angst, Underage Drinking, Yakuza
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-18
Updated: 2019-06-18
Packaged: 2020-05-02 02:05:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,297
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19189699
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Twyd/pseuds/Twyd
Summary: Shinra pulls some strings to try and get Izaya and Shizuo to be friends, until Izaya overhears something that ruins everything.





	Betrayal

Thanks to Shinra’s efforts, the famous high school enemies have actually started hanging out. Sort of. Their fights have been placated to bickering and the occasional chase-for-fun, and when Shinra was around to mediate, sometimes they even talked. Izaya would never admit it, but he is actually sort of happy. 

It’s a Friday, and he’s hanging out with them both after school. He gets into school slightly late, after a crisis with Mairu’s forgotten lunch. He hears Shizuo and Shinra talking as he arrives, idly taking it in without really trying, until something Shizuo says makes him freeze.

“How long do I have to keep talking to him for?”

“Shizuo…”

“Because you were wrong. He’s still annoying.”

“Just give it a few more days, OK? I know he’ll grow on you if you just give him a chance.”

Izaya’s cheeks flood with colour. He winds back their interactions over the last few days in his head - if he’d been talking too much, if he’d been trying too hard. How had he not been able to read boredom or annoyance on Shizu-chan’s face? How could he be so stupid?

Izaya doesn’t listen to them any more. He doesn’t need to. He steps fully into the classroom, and they both spot him and look up. Shinra smiles like he hasn’t just stuck a knife into Izaya’s heart.

“Morning, Izaya! Are you still - hey, where are you going?”

Izaya ignores him, and keeps walking to the other side of the room. He takes a spare seat next to a girl he’s never spoken to. 

She and a couple of her neighbours glance at him hopefully, which he doesn’t notice. He doesn’t look in Shinra or Shizuo’s direction again. 

-

The day drags as if it were a year. He is tempted to bunk off, but exam season will be starting soon, and it’s better if he preps as well as he can. He manages to ignore Shinra and Shizuo the whole day, pushing past whenever they try to talk to him. Shinra tries harder than Shizuo, unsurprisingly. He even has the nerve to look hurt. What a little worm. 

It was enough just to keep himself from shaking all day, but now he’s alone (parents working, sisters at a sleepover), he can process what’s going on inside him, can isolate the feeling and think about it logically. He’s an adolescent. He has a lot of new and unexpected experiences to go through. Perhaps all this pain was really just his hormones. The thought doesn’t really comfort him though. How could something so stupid hurt so much? 

-

Izaya doesn’t feel better by tomorrow, or weeks after. He continues to blank them both. Shinra dogs him constantly, determined to figure it out. Shizuo also tries to talk to him at first, only to be rebuffed. After weeks of silent treatment, he also has the nerve to look hurt. 

Izaya needs a distraction is what he needs. Studying is distracting, and teaching himself Russian and basic hacking is distracting, but it’s not enough. He needs to do something more with his time than this and playing cards with his sisters. 

He starts digging around in his bag, only half expecting to find the business card he had in mind. Kine. Kine should give him something to do.

-

His first Yakuza meeting. It should really go down there with first kiss and getting his driving licence and all these other so-called milestones, because it was far more exciting. At least, in theory. They are in a quiet restaurant that one of them apparently owns, in a private room. He recognises Shiki at once from Kine’s description. He is clearly in charge. The others are quietly spoken, sure of themselves, but nowhere near as interesting as Shiki-san.

Izaya is sitting beside Kine, folder in hand of his work, trying to look calm. No-one has spoken to him so far. He has been hired to do some digging on a certain company of the Awakusu-Kai’s rival. Izaya had gotten a little carried away, and also done some digging on three related companies as well. They were connected under the cracks, and it was relevant. He wants to work hard. He doesn’t want to be known as the dumb kid.

“We should avoid a confrontation until we know for sure,” Shiki is saying. “Which we won’t until we investigate the connected companies. I’d rather not get nasty for no reason.”

Izaya squirms slightly as Shiki speaks, unsure of how to interject.

Shiki looks at him at last and raises an eyebrow.

“Is there something you’d like to say?”

“-ah, yes. Just that I was able to include some information on the other companies in my report. I thought it may be useful…”

A silence descends over the table. It’s hard to tell whether they’re impressed or furious. Izaya doesn’t dare look at Kine.

“We only contracted you to find out about the one,” Shiki says, expressionless.

“I understand,” Izaya says. “But we’ve just met, and I wanted to make a good impression. So think of this as - a gift.” More silence. “Or if you like you can give me a payrise.”

A chuckle goes round the table. 

Shiki however doesn’t laugh. He takes Izaya’s folder and peruses it quietly, spending more time on some sections more than others. He then passes the folder back over his shoulder to an underling standing behind him.

“Verify it,” he says. Then he actually smiles at Izaya. “A formality, don’t be offended. If everything is accurate, I’ll double your pay.”

“Thank you,” he says, slightly stunned.

“How old are you, 16?”

“18.”

“Don’t you have exams this time of year?”

“I manage my time well.”

“Good for you. Haven’t you considered a normal job?”

“Normal jobs don’t pay as well.”

“This pays well because of the risk involved,” Shiki points out.

Izaya nods, biting back a sarcastic response. “...I’ll be very careful.”

“Be sure that you do.”

Shiki moves on to other matters, and doesn’t address him again all night. Izaya doesn’t care - he is almost giddy with triumph.

-

“That was a fucking ballsy thing to do,” Kine says in the car. “Run it by me first next time, would you?”

“Sorry,” Izaya says. “I couldn’t resist, I wanted to show off. Do you think he likes me?.”

“He doesn’t necessarily like show-offs. But he was somewhat impressed, yes. How did you do it? I mean, where did you find the time?”

“I get bored easily,” Izaya says vaguely. He got so bored he’d actually bunked off school, but it didn’t matter. Studying was a solo activity anyway, and it was worth the risk. He should be happy.

Back home, however, he still can’t sleep. His meeting with Kine and the others had been the first time in weeks he’d spoken to someone who wasn’t his sisters. He also hadn’t been eating as much, as he’s running around less without Shizuo in his life, and didn’t want to gain weight. It’s left him with an odd feeling, a slightly strange taste in his mouth but otherwise a ton of energy. He rarely sleeps more than five or six hours.

His mother frowns at him when she comes home for the weekend.

“You’ve lost a bit of weight, darling. Is everything OK?”

“I had a little stomach bug, so I wasn’t eating much. It’s gone now.”

“OK. Don’t work too hard.”

-

His pay is doubled. He’s invited to a lot more meetings, a lot more dinners. Big dinners. He starts skipping other meals in the day, and occasionally makes himself sick. He can think more clearly on an empty stomach. And it’s sort of comforting, like an anti-anxiety drug with less side-effects. Probably. 

He makes a lot of money, his grades soar, he hasn’t messed up once and is establishing a good relationship with Shiki-san, his fights with Shizuo have stopped so his teachers have nothing but praises to sing for him. Aside from the occasional bunking off when he had a job from Shiki or he got bored, he is a model student. 

The time management is getting a little difficult though. He can only meet with the Awakusu-Kai when his parents are home or when his sisters are at a sleepover, in case they took it into their head to do some midnight baking and burn the house down. It was easy enough to slip out when his exhausted parents finally went to bed. Aside from this small strain, his life is good. It is. So what if it was a bit lonely. All humans got lonely. 

-

He’s in a bar owned by the Awakusu-Kai, after another dinner. Why was all the food so necessary?  _ You have exams, you need to keep your strength up _ , one of them had said, and Izaya had to make an almighty effort not to roll his eyes. He’s not in the best of moods anyway. He hasn’t been able to spend as much time studying as he wanted, so he’d have to pull an all-nighter when they finally let him go. Not that he was planning on going to college or anything, with a fun and well-paying career already set up. It was just the principle.

The bar is loud, the sake bitter - he has to fight not to twist his face at the taste. It may have been because he’d emptied his stomach only a few hours ago, but the alcohol seems to get to him after just a few glasses. That, and it was so hot inside. Why is he even here? They were just socialising now, business over and done with. He wish he knew the etiquette of asking to leave.

He mumbles something to Kine and gets up to look for a glass of water instead.

There is no-one behind the bar - it is actually closed, as they are the only ones in it. He goes into the kitchen to hunt for a glass. 

Someone follows him out. He jumps in surprise. 

One of the Awakusu-Kai smiles at him.

“It’s OK, I’m nice. I swear.”

Izaya barely registers him. It’s someone he hadn’t spoken to yet, someone not as high up as Shiki or as interesting as Kine. He looks around miserably - apparently everything, including glasses, were locked up. 

“You all right?”

It is only when Izaya tries to talk that he realises he’s quite drunk. He barely talks to anyone these days - he’s silent in school, and at home he only occasionally has to tell his sisters to stop whatever it was he was doing. He thinks of this and laughs at himself self-consciously. He vows to one day be the kind of person who never shut up - whether people wanted to listen to him or not.

“Do you want to lie down somewhere?” The man starts to guide him out of the kitchen. “We’ve got a room round the back.”

He follows this man like a puppy, concentrating on not tripping over his own feet. He’s led to a poky little room with a bed. The man helps him take his coat and shoes off, and Izaya lets himself drop to the bed and closes his eyes. 

It takes him a moment to realise what is happening. He almost laughs.

“Fuck off,” he mumbles instead.

The man shushes him.

Izaya doesn’t really bother stopping him. It feels half-good, and it’s sort of flattering, a big sexy yakuza and all. It was about time he lost his virginity, and he didn’t want to waste it on a silly idiot at school.

As if reading his mind, the man breathes, “You’re a virgin, right?” He’s holding Izaya down by the back of the neck. “I don’t need to bother with a condom?”

There’s more fumbling around, some pain, and then suddenly a lot of pain. It’s not quite what he’d expected - not that he’d given anal sex a great deal of thought. He didn’t think it would hurt so much. He can hear the music and the noise and the laughter from the bar, and it’s an unnerving, surreal feeling, as if it’s happening to someone else. 

Just as it starts to feel somewhere close to good, it’s over, and then the man is doing up his pants.

“Stay in here for a while, OK?” he says. “I’ll say you’ve got a headache.”

“I have got a headache,” Izaya mumbles, but the man is already gone. 

Izaya tries to coordinate himself enough to get his clothes back on, getting his shirt the wrong way round several times. He puts the back of his hand to each of his cheeks and finds them burning. He wants to sleep. But the man might come back, or he might send someone else in, and this thought sends him scrabbling for his shoes as fast as he can coordinate himself. 

He finds a bathroom. His throat is still closed up, so he cups his hands together and drinks directly from the tap. He stares at himself for a moment, too tipsy to feel really depressed.  _ This is fine, _ he tells himself.  _ But I really need to go home. _

He saunters back to the bar carefully, trying to look nonchalant. He deliberately doesn’t look at the man who’d left him back there, who is laughing with two of his buddies in a corner. Izaya hopes it is not about him. Kine and Shiki fall silent and stare at him.

“Sorry. I had to make a quick phone call,” he lies. 

He has no idea how long he’d been gone. He’s dimly aware that he’s in pain, and he wants to go home. They are still staring at him.

“I might go soon,” he says. “Thanks for inviting me.”

“I’ll drive you,” Kine says. “I haven’t drank.”

“I can walk.”

“Don’t be silly.”

Izaya bows to Shiki on the way out and avoids his eyes.

“You OK?” Kine says, once they’re in the car. “I know some of them knock it back pretty heavily. Don’t feel the need to keep up.”

“I wasn’t trying to,” Izaya  sighs. “I guess I’m a lightweight.”

“You shouldn’t be drinking anyway," Kine scolds. "Your first exam must be any day now.”

Izaya tunes him out. He’s trying to decide whether he can get away with running a bath at this hour without waking anyone, or if he’ll have to wait. His parents slept like the dead, but his sisters were another story.

He lets himself in, and blinks in the hallway light. His parents are standing in front of the door, arms folded, and it sobers him better than a slap in the face. His gut squeezes horribly, convinced that something terrible must have happened (Mairu or Kururi?), until his Father speaks.

“Is it drugs?”

Izaya  is so surprised that he starts to laugh. His father slaps him, with such force it knocks his head to one side. He more stunned than hurt, even as the heat spreads across his cheek and the sting sets in. Neither of his parents had struck him before, even after the worst fights with Shizuo when they’d wrecked half the school.

“Where have you been, Izaya?”

His face is still averted. He turns back to face them slowly. 

“...it’s not drugs,” he says. “Why the hell do you think I’d do drugs? Do you think I’m stupid?”

“Keep your voice down, you’ll wake your sisters.”

His sisters would already be awake, but he doesn’t bother telling them this.

“I’m _not_ on drugs.”

“Darling, you’re a skeleton.” His mother now. And she had always been the smart one, the practical, no-nonsense parent compared to his father. “You’re staying out late, you’re barely speaking to us. You know we’ve always given you your independence, but this is getting out of hand. We have to be able to trust you.”

“I’m not on drugs,” he repeats. “Take me to a doctor and I’ll do a drugs test. Call the school. They’ll tell you my grades are straight As. Hardly your stereotypical crack addict.”

“Don’t answer back,” his Father snaps. “ And grades are nothing if you don’t have your health.”

“I’m not on drugs!” he yells.

It’s so ridiculous, such a waste of time. He decides he doesn’t care if they slap him again. They were useless parents. They probably based their parenting on some documentary they'd seen rather than real-life experience.

They finally all go to bed in a stalemate. He hears them whispering about him in their room. 

 

He balls his fists in bed, unsure why it bothered him so much. He had fought with them before - usually after they were called from overseas after his worst fights with Shizuo - but then they’d always get sucked back into their jobs and nothing would come of it.

His door nudges open then. He shoots up in bed, adrenalin surging, all but ready to scream at them if it’ll give him some peace - but then he realises it’s neither of his parents, and all of the anger goes out of him like a lamp.

“It’s fine, you can come in,” he mutters, flopping back on the pillows.

The twins shuffle into the room, wide-eyed in the dark.

“You’re in big trouble, Iza-nii,” Kururi whispers.

“You don’t say.”

“Are you going to die?” Mairu whimpers.

“What? No.”

“Mom and Dad said you were sick.”

“I’m not sick. Exam period is just a little bit stressful is all, so I lost a bit of weight.”

Kuri leans over the bed on her tiptoes and touches his stinging cheek.

“Does it hurt?”

“No.”

“I hate him,” Mairu whispers viciously. “If he ever hits me I’ll kill him.”

“Ssh,” Izaya says. “It was just a slap, it didn’t hurt. He thought I was on drugs. All parents are scared of drugs.”

“What are drugs? Why do they think you have drugs?”

“It doesn’t matter - just go back to bed, will you,” he growls. “Everything’s all right. They’ll forget about this soon enough - they won’t even be here next week.”

-

They aren’t even there by the next day. He hopes they are working overtime and not making a doctor’s appointment for him. Not that he had anything to hide. It would prove his point on the drugs, but if a doctor did point out that he was a little skinny and put him on a diet plan or some such, he’d go out of his fucking mind. He’d run away and miss all his exams and live off Yakuza payments for the rest of his life, if it meant he had more control.

At least it is a Saturday. He has a long, long soak in the tub. Last night felt like it had happened years ago, but the pain brings it all sharply back. How embarrassing. They were probably all laughing about it. How could he have been so stupid? He’ll have to be more careful in future. 

Mairu starts thumping the door then, whining that she needs to pee. Izaya sighs and pulls the plug with his foot.

In the hall, wrapped in his robe, he finds a hand-delivered envelope with his name on it.

He inspects the handwriting warily and frowns. It is Shizuo’s hand-writing. He tears open the envelope - there are pages of it. Then he keeps tearing until there are only shreds left, without reading a word. He feels eyes on him then and whirls around. Still in her pyjamas, Kururi is standing in her bedroom door staring at him.

“What?” he snaps, and goes back to his room, awkwardly clutching the shreds of letter in his fists. He’d have to trash it somewhere else, or they would piece it back together out of spite. 

Mairu goes back to their room and starts singing. He waits for her to stop, for the inevitable whispering to start, but surprisingly it does not come. Kururi must be planning to tell her later.

-

He has a meeting with Shiki the following week - just with Shiki this time, which is strange, but Izaya is pleased. Perhaps it was a big job, something confidential. The older man liked him, he was sure, and was maybe starting to trust him. 

Izaya is picked up in a gleaming black toyota, which prowled along the roads almost silently. The seats are a comfortable cream leather. This beat meeting up in bars any day. Izaya is smiling, almost cocky. Shiki is as neutral as ever.

“How are you?” Shiki asks courteously.

“Very well, thanks. How are you?”

There’s a pause. Shiki normally didn’t beat around the bush, so Izaya waits for him to get to the point. He is still taken off guard however. “We will not be needing your services any longer.”

Izaya’s stomach lurches. How could this happen? He’d done everything right. He worked hard, he wasn’t too cocky, never missed a call, never missed a deadline, never made as much as a fucking typo-

“Why?” he blurts. “I mean,” he tries to recover. “Please tell me if there’s something I can improve on, so I don’t keep making the same mistakes?”

“There were no mistakes, Izaya,” Shiki says gently. “But it’s exam season, and you must be a little stretched. I think you should concentrate on your schoolwork.”

“I’m not stretched,” he says.

“Well, you look it,” Shiki says bluntly, but somehow not nastily.

“But I want to work now,” Izaya says childishly, and has to blink back tears rapidly as the pain jumps in the back of his eyes. “This is what I want to do with my life. And if I build my savings now, it’ll take the pressure off me to go to college.”

“You’re a smart kid. Maybe you should go to college.”

“I don’t want to,” he says. “I’ve been to the open days, and it’s just like school. I’ve found what I’m good at, I’ve found what I want to do.”

Shiki is looking at him with mild curiosity.

“I looked up your school record,” he says smoothly. “You’re a straight A student, and you’re on the government’s list of gifted kids, in case you didn’t know.”

Izaya says nothing.

“So, I expect straight As from you, or you won’t be working with me or any of my network ever again.”

Izaya opens his mouth, but nothing comes out. Then he smiles bitterly.

“No pressure, then. And people wonder why kids in Japan are always killing themselves.”

“Don’t be so obtuse,” Shiki says, with the first hint of impatience. “We both know you can ace these exams with less effort than most. Just put the time in with the books and you’ll do well; it’s a tried and tested formula. And I’m giving you your free time back, so you have no excuse.” He pauses. “This is the one time of your life when what’s expected of you is fairly reasonable and straightforward. It gets a lot more complicated when you grow up.”

Izaya looks at him uncertainly. 

Shiki lights a cigarette, composing himself.

“I shouldn’t have to explain this to you,” he says. “But as you insist on being so dense about your priorities, you’ve forced my hand. No more work until and only if you get all As. And then we can work together again, if you want to. Or you might decide you want to do something better.” He thinks for a minute and adds, “And just to add some positive reinforcement, I’ll give you a very generous bonus if you do get all As. If you’re financially motivated, that should help.”

“Oh, you don’t have to do that,” Izaya says quickly, awkwardly. “It’s not like your my Dad.”

Shiki waves a hand at him. “If we work together I’ll benefit from it. Self-discipline and hard work is important. It’ll keep you from getting too cocky.” Seeing Izaya is fighting back a cough, he opens a window. “Get all As. I’ll drop you at your school library. I bet it’s a while since you’ve been.”

“Does Kine know you’ve decided this?” Izaya blurts.

Shiki looks at him steadily.

“It’s not up to Kine.”

Izaya gets out of the car outside school, still confused. Not to mention hurt. Even the yakuza, the epitome of outcasts, had rejected him. Well.

Maybe.

He just had to get all As. And then school would be over and he’d be free. 

So he stops going out at night, staying home to study. When his parents are home, he has more family dinners than ever. His parents look hopeful, but them watching him eat made it harder to eat than ever, so he’s probably healthier when they’re not around. When they’re not home, he tends to make something for Mairu and Kururi and just toast for himself. Whatever. He’s in a routine now and doesn’t want to change it. He’ll think about his diet once exams are done.

He still doesn’t talk to anyone at school, and without meetings with Kine and Shiki to look forward to, it was a lonely time.

-

He gets all As. He’d almost been a little stressed towards the end (what if it’s not enough? What if I needed to start earlier) - so it’s a relief. Shiki would undoubtedly check up on the results himself, but Izaya takes a screenshot anyway and sends it to him. And his parents, mostly to underline the stupidity of their heroin-addict fears. And Kine, because why not. He has a little jump of pleasure as he gets replies almost straight away, ‘CONGRATULATIONS’ and ‘so proud of you,’ and a simple 'Good,’ from Shiki. It puts him in a surprisingly good mood - he wants to keep speaking to people. However, he runs out of people surprisingly quickly. He hadn’t felt his isolation so much when he’d been studying, but now it’s over, now everyone around him is hugging and laughing and planning to go out together to celebrate, he feels how alone he really is.

He starts a slow walk home. He’d get himself some sushi and work on his Russian, or read some poetry (when was the last time he read for pleasure?). Maybe he’d even treat himself to a day trip outside of Tokyo, so he wouldn’t be surrounded by people he knew having fun.

“Izaya?”

He stops and turns. 

Shinra approaches him, smiling. 

Shizuo and Kadota are standing behind him, looking wary.

“Bet you got As, right? We’re going for sushi to celebrate - come with us!”

Izaya stares at him, and then past him at Shizuo. Shizuo stares back in silence, his eyes intense but not hostile.

“Sure,” he hears himself saying. 

He’s suddenly very hungry.

-

Kine takes him out for dinner that evening. It would normally make him nervous, after having a big sushi lunch the same day, but talking to Shinra again had relaxed him somehow, and months worth of tension had begun to unwind. It feels strange to eat so comfortably, and not like he’ll go out of his mind if he doesn’t get rid of it.

“Can you tell me some of your symptoms?” Shinra had asked cheerfully over lunch, while Kadota and Shizuo were discussing something else. “I’ve never met someone so underweight before.”

Izaya twitches with annoyance, and has to remind himself that Shinra wasn’t deliberately spiteful, just a little odd.

“I have no symptoms,” he growled.

“Really?”

“...I don’t need as much sleep. Six hours, tops. My head is clear, I can think faster and more, sort of, cleanly. I have a lot of energy.” He glances at Shizuo and Kadota to make sure they’re still not listening. “But I can’t relax. It’s like, my heart is beating too fast all the time. Even when I lie down, even when I’m doing nothing. It’s like I’m on coke or something. But I’m not taking anything.”

Shinra nods sympathetically. “That’s what I thought. Your body is having to work extra hard to keep you going. But you’re still young, so hopefully you haven’t done yourself any permanent damage.”

Izaya lowers his chopsticks slowly.

“Hey, don’t stop eating,” Shinra says, concerned. 

“I’m fine,” he says.

His voice is still lowered, but Shizuo and Kadota sense the change of tone and look at him.

“Of course you are,” Shinra agrees hurriedly. “Now don’t waste that fatty tuna!”

Izaya growls in annoyance and picks up his chopsticks. He is all too aware of his horribly hammering heart. But that’s just because he’s irritated. There’s nothing wrong with him. Nothing.

“Izaya.”

Izaya blinks and looks at Kine guiltily.

“Sorry. I just thought of something.”

Kine waves a hand, unoffended.

“I was saying, you’re to report directly to Shiki now.”

Izaya arches an eyebrow.

“I’ve been promoted?”

“Not exactly.” Kine’s smile is bitter. “You could say I’ve been demoted. I’m out of the Awakusu-Kai.”

Izaya stares at him.

“Don’t look so shocked,” Kine adds. “It was fairly friendly. We’ve had our differences for a while.”

“Are you bothered?”

“Eh. It was a shock, despite everything. But it was probably the right decision for all of us.”

“And you don’t mind if I still work with him?”

“Of course not. Just don’t do anything stupid.”

“Mm. I had a rough couple of months, but I’m hoping not to do anything else stupid for a while now.”

 

-

His first assignment is with Akabayashi. At first, Izaya is disappointed that he doesn’t get any one-to-one time with Shiki, but he supposes the older man has better things to do than hang out with teenagers. And he’d transferred Izaya’s bonus into his account, so the informant couldn’t complain. 

“Sounds straight-forward,” Izaya says to Akabayashi on receiving his brief. They are at a bar, but it’s quiet and civilised. There is a mostly empty glass of sake in front of Izaya - he could handle it better now that he lets his food digest. 

He is about to make his excuses and leave, but something that has been on his mind holds him back. He doesn’t know why. Perhaps because Akabayashi is so laidback, and because Izaya doesn’t care about his opinion as much as Shiki’s. He settles back in his seat and says casually,

“You ever hear of a guy called Ikeda?”

“Oh, him,” Akabayashi says neutrally. “Did Shiki ever tell you what happened there?”

Izaya stiffens. Akabayashi looks at him sympathetically. 

“The guy filmed what he did with you and posted it in an online chat. Shiki found out. Some nasty shit went down.”

Izaya stares at him.  _ Filmed it?? But how…? _

Akabayashi seems to read the confusion in his eyes.

“You were quite drunk, I think. Not to mention stressed. Anyway, someone in the chat was uncomfortable with the video and brought it to Shiki’s attention, and he came down hard. Shiki actually took a lot of heat from the big boss for it - there was a big deal going on at the time, and Shiki was meant to be focussing all his attention on that.”

“When was this?” Izaya says, trying to figure out if it was before or after Shiki sent him on a temporary hiatus.

Akabayashi shrugs. 

“You’d better ask Shiki.”

“...huh,” Izaya says after a moment. “He never told me. I know Ikeda left, but I assumed it was for other reasons.” He tries to make his voice casual. “What happened to the video?”

“It was found on five guys’ phones, but it wasn’t found beyond there, and we removed pretty quickly. I haven’t seen it, for example.” Izaya wonders if he was lying. But then, why would he lie? There was nothing Izaya could do about it if he had seen it. “If no-one’s blackmailed you or goaded you with it by now, I’d say you’re safe.”

-

It it another few weeks before Izaya is summoned to Shiki’s car. It's apparently for a 'chat,' not an assignment.

Izaya is both relieved and dreading it. He’s tempted to not say anything, but Akabayashi may have already forewarned Shiki. So he makes a big effort to act casual in the car, leaning back, his elbow on the window, but Shiki senses something is up at once.

“Something the matter?”

Izaya stiffens slightly, caught off guard. Then he shrugs.

“Akabayashi told me about Ikeda.”

“Ah.” Shiki leans forward slightly. “Well, it wasn’t meant to be a secret forever. You had exams at the time, you kept fighting with that boy, and you didn’t look at all well. I didn’t want to upset you further.”

“Cutting me off with no explanation was a tiny bit upsetting, just so you know.”

“I _didn’t_ know a that time,” Shiki says with emphasis. “But you looked like you were under a lot of strain, and I regretted agreeing to letting Kine bring you on board.”

“Is that why you kicked him out?”

Shiki looks at Izaya levelly.

“There were many reasons why he was no longer a good fit. Not all of them to do with you.”

Izaya looks away, unconvinced.

“I do wish you’d told me, however,” Shiki says quietly.

Izaya shrugs.

“I didn’t want to seem like a liability. It was my own fault in a way. I was drunk and didn’t really try to stop him.”

“You were a kid,” Shiki snaps, making him jump. “And you were our guest.” He shakes his head in disgust. “I wish you’d told me.”

“...it was embarrassing,” Izaya says after a moment. “I thought you might know. I thought it might be a big joke. Initiate the new kid and all that.”

Shiki is shaking his head vehemently. 

“No. No.” He shoots Izaya a concerned look. “Why did you want to keep working for me if you thought that?”

Izaya shrugs and looks away, not wanting to admit he was bored and lonely and scared about the future.

“Kine should have took better care of you,” Shiki says. “As your friend. He agrees with me on this.”

“I don’t need babysitting,” Izaya growls. “And Kine was probably the best person I had in my life at that time. You shouldn’t have punished him.”

Shiki gives him a lazy smile.

“Unfortunately, you don’t get to decide who I do and do not punish.”

“No, I suppose not,” he says, with mock-bitterness. But he feels better, knowing its taken care of, that he doesn’t have to watch his back in certain meetings in case Ikeda showed up. He looks at Shiki curiously. “What did you do to him? Ikeda, I mean.”

“That’s none of your concern.”

“Sounds scary.”

“I think you can get out here.”

As the car pulls away, Izaya senses someone looking at him. He glances across the road, and sees Shizuo hovering uncertainly. He sighs, but crosses to Shizuo's side of the road and bites back a sarcastic comment. They fall into step, and don't speak for a couple of blocks.

“Did you get my letter?” Shizuo blurts.

“I tore it up without reading it. Sorry,” he adds, seeing how stricken Shizuo this makes Shizuo look.

“...oh. I thought you’d read it and didn't like it.”

“Why, what did it say?”

“It doesn’t matter,” Shizuo says, flushing. “Why did you stop talking to me? I know we weren’t exactly best friends, but - it was so sudden. It was like you just snapped overnight. Why?”

“Like you don’t know,” Izaya snaps, his good mood gone just like that. “You were only tolerating me because Shinra talked you into it. ‘Just a few more days,’” he mimics shrilly. “All that hanging out and occasionally even laughing at my jokes, and all along you secretly despised me. Do you know how that feels?”

He is walking faster and faster as he speaks, and slaps Shizuo’s hand away when he tries to stop him. He continues before Shizuo can speak.

“It doesn’t matter anyway - I don’t care anymore. About either of you. I’ll talk to you both whenI’m bored and it suits me, like this afternoon, but that’s it. So you can tell Shinra not to worry - he can drop his little Izaya project. I don’t need him to go round trying to convince people to be my friend, because I don’t need any. I have everything I need in my life already.”

Shizuo succeeds in grabbing his arm this time, and Izaya loses his temper and kicks out. It is a little harder than he’d intended, and catches Shizuo in the sensitive part at the back of his knee, so he actually goes down.

“For fuck’s sake, Izaya,” Shizuo snarls, clutching his leg. “I’m sorry, OK? I’m sorry.” He stays on the pavement, grimacing. “Look. I was only bitching to Shinra because people were teasing me about how well we were getting on. I know it’s stupid, but I was embarrassed. I didn’t mean it. I liked talking to you. It was just weird. But I missed you when you started blanking me. I thought I’d fucked up.”

The anger is gone from his voice by the time he stops talking. He is staring at the ground now, red in the face.

“You did fuck up,” Izaya points out, rubbing it in. He expects Shizuo to snarl back, but he just lowers his head further.

“I know,” he says. “I’m sorry.”

Shizuo goes so red he is almost beetroot. Izaya can’t help it. He has to laugh.

“What’s so funny?” Shizuo scowls.

“You. You and your cute face.”

The look of surprise and pleasure on Shizuo’s face makes him laugh even harder. It feels good to laugh, to really laugh, not just put it on out of spite. 

“No-one’s at home at my place,” he says, when he’s recovered. “If you want to come over. We can watch something.”

Izaya starts walking again without waiting for Shizuo to look up. Behind him, he hears Shizuo scrabble to his feet and stumble after him, and smiles.


End file.
